no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
