Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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