I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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