nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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