He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
