I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
