if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
