Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
