So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
