my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
