You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
