bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
