Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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