I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
