My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
