wrigley field is MILF paradise
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
