She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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