sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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