Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
