Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
