She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
