can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
