I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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