First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
foreskin is a definite game changer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
