how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
