I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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