Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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