make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
