Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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