ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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