69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
