We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And then he peed in my hair
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