They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
