i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
