woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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