Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
