you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
