Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
