Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
