I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
