Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
