you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
