Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
