Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
