Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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