I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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