Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
