i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
