I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
