1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
