??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
