I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
