her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
