You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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